It has been around me and on social media so I feel like I definitely had to give my two cents about this topic this week. Plus I’m feeling it pretty strongly this week myself.
Raise your hand if you feel this now or have felt it as a parent. Oh, all of you? I thought so. It comes with the title and territory as a mother.
It is something every single mother deals with in all ways possible and whether she works a 9-5 job or is a stay at home mom. The guilt is real and we allow it to consume us some days.
It starts from the time we are pregnant when we begin thinking of all we are doing. If it is okay for the baby and are we doing the right thing to grow them the best way we can?
My recent guilt is the fact that my husband is home with our son full time right now since his job has a period they do not work, typically through the winter months. We are fortunate in the sense that we can take our son out of daycare for this period of time to save money but also, my husband’s favorite part, get extra quality time with our son. He didn’t get that time when I was on maternity leave so he is truly excited to have this time with him to build their relationship and make memories.
The guilt hit me hard this week when I got home from work one evening and my son was napping and my husband had thrown dinner together but quickly laid down after since he had didn’t feel good. There I was, feeling super alone and unwelcomed. This is not anyone’s fault obviously. I had gone downstairs to work out since everyone was sleeping anyways to try to give myself some me time while also avoiding and diverting my thoughts.
More guilt hit me. I was going to work out for 1 hour but then heard them moving around so I cut it in half to 30 minutes so I could go spend time with them now that they were awake. No I did not want to quit my workout, but I did want to also spend time with my family.
My son had reached for my face when I came upstairs making me melt and allow that guilty feeling to stop for a moment. He also allowed me to snuggle him, almost as if he knew mama needed that time more than he even did.
The night continued with guilt though. While I was able to lay and play with him the thoughts of what needs done around the house kept playing as a list in my head. However, I got a quick shower and was exhausted from the day since I have not been sleeping well, along with any other parent to an infant. I got ready for bed while my son had his last bottle and crawled in before he was done, but guilting myself for missing those last moments with him because I was so tired.
It’s a vicious cycle. One that I know will not end as long as I am a mom. That was only one short evening. As moms, our days are filled with endless thoughts on how we are as a parent and how we are doing. The constant worry if what we are doing is the best for our child and the best way to help them grow and become a great human in this scary world.
The truth is we are a critical and most important piece of the puzzle for these tiny humans. When we work (in whatever form it may be), it is just as important as your other half working as well. You are setting examples for them to show them how to be an individual and grow into something they want to be. By being who you are, loving those children with all you have, and providing for them by working, there should be no guilt other than being guilty of being the best parent you were meant to be for them.
This statement below is something I feel is easy to relate to our mom guilt.
We can only control so much, so if we focus on that, we’re doing a hell of a job each day. We cannot control it all though.
Here is a post that a friend of mine shared this week and I believe also hits this directly on point!
The featured image belongs to: https://www.sara-herranz.com/